I been alone All the years So many ways to count the tears I never change I never will I'm so afraid the way I feel Days when the rain and the sun are gone Black as night Agony's torn at my heart too long So afraid Slip and I fall and I die I been alone Always down No one cared to stay around I never change I never will I'm so afraid the way I feel Days when the rain and the sun are gone Black as night Agony's torn at my heart too long So afraid Slip and I fall and I die How I feel Days when the rain and the sun are gone Black as night Agony's torn at my heart too long So afraid Slip and I fall and I die
Live versions appear on "Live" (1980), "The Dance" (1997), "Live in Boston" (2004), "Live at the Bass Performance Hall" (2008) and One Man Show (2012)
Legend has it that Lindsey wrote this while he had mono - apparently he had a lot of time on his hands for a few months. So he made good use of it, practicing his guitar and writing songs like this one. As for the darkness of this song - well, nothing depresses you like a drawn-out case of mono! He was probably feeling miserable and wrote some lyrics to match his mood.
Stating the obvious, this song is about fear. He's afraid of being alone, he's afraid of being hurt, he's afraid of failing - all that's wrapped up in lines like "I slip and I fall and I die." He's full of despair. Everyone's left him, he's unable to change (hmmm.... response to Stevie harping on changing all the time like in Landslide?), he's in constant agony and full of loneliness. I've always thought that "days when the rain and the sun are gone" represent the days when one totally shuts down all feeling - both pain and happiness - as a defense mechanism, but ultimately one where the cure is worse than the disease. When you feel nothing, you're dead. Whew!
Editorial: The live version of this song is my favorite song fo all time! That's what first made me a Lindsey fan - and look at me now!
Lindsey wrote the music to So Afraid in the very early 70s while sick, but didn't write the lyrics until years later. I've always thought this song was very much inspired by his feelings of inconsolable loss when his father died in early 1974. The uncontrollable fear and despair and depression and total shut down come when you experience this kind of shocking and agonizing tragedy of watching your father deteriorate and die. All your insecurities are heightened and vivid and it seems like it's never going to get better. There is an intense mourning period where the world just doesn't seem like anywhere you want to be anymore. The world is never the same ever again.